Catharsis
I feel like writing. I think a lot. I keep a lot to myself. Maybe this will help.
Sometimes I feel vulnerable. I feel that I will be judged, or maybe even looked down on. I don't know where to even start with all the thoughts that are just jumbled and discombobulated in my head. I guess there are topics that are more prevalent than others. Deep breath. Breathe.
Life sucks. That's it. Life is hard. So damn hard. I always imagined things differently. I imagined ME differently. You try and try and try, and then just end up sinking. Sinking in a sea of doubt, regrets, wrong decisions, bad choices, and things that are completely out of your control. I hate that. Control. I want to be in control. I hate not being able to change things when I want to. Is that bad? I don't want to come off as a whiny pessimist that has just been through a few hard times. Judged. There it is. That feeling of being judged. Judge me.
I always imagined my journey different. I always imagined "bigger", "better" things. I turn 27 in 9 days. When I was younger, I thought i would be successful or stable; in control of my life. Control.
Dammit. That's so hard to swallow. To accept that I'm not in control. Trust me, there have been so many instances in my life where it didn't matter what I did, what I said,. It just didnt matter. . It wasn't enough. It was out of my control. Period.
They say time heals all things.
I don't know. Maybe i am a pessimist.
Sometimes I feel vulnerable. I feel that I will be judged, or maybe even looked down on. I don't know where to even start with all the thoughts that are just jumbled and discombobulated in my head. I guess there are topics that are more prevalent than others. Deep breath. Breathe.
Life sucks. That's it. Life is hard. So damn hard. I always imagined things differently. I imagined ME differently. You try and try and try, and then just end up sinking. Sinking in a sea of doubt, regrets, wrong decisions, bad choices, and things that are completely out of your control. I hate that. Control. I want to be in control. I hate not being able to change things when I want to. Is that bad? I don't want to come off as a whiny pessimist that has just been through a few hard times. Judged. There it is. That feeling of being judged. Judge me.
I always imagined my journey different. I always imagined "bigger", "better" things. I turn 27 in 9 days. When I was younger, I thought i would be successful or stable; in control of my life. Control.
Dammit. That's so hard to swallow. To accept that I'm not in control. Trust me, there have been so many instances in my life where it didn't matter what I did, what I said,. It just didnt matter. . It wasn't enough. It was out of my control. Period.
They say time heals all things.
I don't know. Maybe i am a pessimist.
I guess blogger ate my last post. Anyway, I am trying to stop caring so much about what other people think, but you know what? It is HARD. I am just so used to trying to impress people, or look good, or just not make a fool of myself, because what would people think?! It is hard to let go of that thought process. Bear hugs!
ReplyDeleteThanks Mandy! Miss you guys,
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